Forgiveness - It is Really About God - Part 1

As a psychologist I have worked with many people who have been hurt and traumatized by others in the past. As followers of Christ, they often struggle with what is the appropriate thing for them to do. In Christian circles I hear the advice that we are to forgive others even if they will not acknowledge wrongdoing so that we will not become angry and bitter.

Like so many other issues in today's world, we have made forgiveness about us which completely misses the significance of the grace and mercy of God found in Christ's death on the cross. This process often becomes superficial semantics when not caring about the offender or the relationship is called forgiveness.

Sometimes the victim goes to tell the perpetrator of their forgiveness. The perpetrator may not acknowledge any wrongdoing and may even attack the victim, with accusations of lying and deceit for bringing up the issue. The victim feels worse, sometimes revictimized, and may even question the strength and validity of their faith.

These victims feel guilt and some angst that they are not able to forgive the person, or they say they have forgiven the other person, but not forgotten what happened and desires no contact. Their forgiveness seems more like an obligatory check the box, so they can move on. Working with people in these situations has led me to reflect often on the process of forgiveness and what scripture says.

Colossians 3:13 tells us that we are to forgive as the Lord has forgiven us. Using this as a model for forgiveness we can use the ultimate forgiver as our example. If God in Christ is to be our model, the question arises does God forgive everyone? What does scripture tell us?

There are several Old Testament passages illustrating God’s unwillingness to forgive certain offenses -Deuteronomy 29:20; II King 24:4; Jeremiah 5:7; Lamentation 3:42. Exodus 34:6–7 provides a clear explanation about the abounding love and grace of God with his hatred of sin and evil. The passage reads, "the Lord passed before him and proclaimed, the Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but whom will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers of the generation and the children's children, to the third and fourth generation.”

Throughout the Old Testament we see God as forgiving and not forgiving. What differentiates this apparent contradiction is man's repentance. Scripture indicates repentant sinners are forgiven and unrepentant sinners who continue their evil ways will not be forgiven and will be separated from God.

In the New Testament, Scripture is clear that as forgiven sinners we are to forgive others. This is seen specifically in the Lord's Prayer, the teachings of Christ found in his parables, as well as Paul’s writings. Ephesians 4:32 (Christian Standard Bible - CSB) summarizes this nicely: And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.

If we are to forgive others as Christ has forgiven us then the question arises, are there conditions necessary for Christ’s forgiveness? If the answer is he forgives everyone unconditionally, then the assumption would be that everyone will go to heaven, and no one will be in hell separated from God. This is inconsistent with Paul’s writing in 2 Thessalonians 1:7b–9 (CSB) This will take place at the revelation of the Lord Jesus from heaven with his powerful angels, 8 when he takes vengeance with flaming fire on those who don’t know God and on those who don’t obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. 9They will pay the penalty of eternal destruction from the Lord’s presence and from his glorious strength

1 John 1:9 (CSB) 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Confession and repentance are essential to forgiveness in both the Old and New Testament.

What is the purpose of forgiveness according to scripture? It is more than us feeling better. The entirety of the Bible is the story of man’s fall and God’s effort to restore the relationship. Our confession of sin and acknowledging that Christ paid the penalty for our sins, provides a means to be restored with the Holy God. Forgiveness is about the restoration of the relationship. Forgiveness requires both parties interacting in a desire for a restored relationship. One person saying I forgive you cannot restore the relationship.

One of the other confusing issues regarding forgiveness is the idea that I will forgive you, but I will not forget. This notion contradicts the model provided by the mercy and forgiveness of God. Descriptions in the Old Testament describes removal of our transgressions as far as the east is from the west (Psalms 103:12), blotting out the people's transgressions (Isaiah 43:25), casting sins into the depths of the sea (Micah 7:19) and most importantly in Jeremiah 31:34 the Lord says, I will remember their sin no more." When God forgives there is a complete restoration of the relationship. God does not forgive to diminish his anger, but he forgives to have a restored relationship with the forgiven sinner. Due to our human nature, it is much more difficult to forget sins against us, but we are to continue to become more like Christ making our goal to try and forget wrongdoings when we forgive.

In conclusion, we are to forgive the way God forgives us. Forgiveness is not just about us feeling better. True forgiveness is about the restoration of the relationship. God forgives us to reconcile our relationship with Him. Once God forgives, he remembers our sins no more. God does not forgive everyone, or everyone would go to heaven. There may be occasions where we cannot forgive someone and restore the relationship due to lack of repentance or a lack of desire for a relationship on their part. We do not have to feel guilty because we cannot forgive the person. In part 2 we will explore our responsibilities in those situations where forgiveness and reconciliation may not be possible.