Forgiveness - It is Really About God - Part 2

In part 1 we explored Biblical teachings on forgiveness. We concluded we are to forgive the way God forgives us. An important part of true forgiveness is reconciliation of the relationship. God does not forgive everyone so there may be times when we cannot forgive and reconcile with the other person due to lack of repentance or lack of a desire to work toward a restored healthy relationship.

What happens if the other person refuses to acknowledge the wrongdoing or work toward healthy reconciliation? Do we spend the rest of our lives angry and resentful? No, we pray as instructed in Matthew 5:44 (Christian Standard Bible - CSB) 44 “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

What do we pray for? Our responsibility is not to forgive anyone who has done us wrong, but our responsibility is to want to be able to forgive this person as Christ has forgiven us. The first step for the other person is a confession to God, not to us, because any sin is a sin against God (Psalm 51:4; 1 Corinthians 8:12). When someone has wronged us, we need to be praying for the restoration of their relationship with God. If that relationship is right, then there is a greater probability they will do the right thing by us. The real concern in this scenario is not the harm done to us, but theseparation of the individual from God. When we pray for someone’s relationship with God and get the focus off how unfair it is to us, anger and bitterness are diminished.

Many of us were taught as youngsters to put Jesus first, Others second and Yourself last (JOY). This model works well with forgiveness. We're first grateful that God has forgiven us and in following His model we want to glorify Him. Secondly, we want the other person’s relationship with God to be to the best it possibly can be. By praying for the guilty parties’ relationship with God (loving our enemies) we are glorifying God, and we are going to find the peace that transcends human understanding. The final part of this paradigm is us. When we are concerned about our relationship and others’ relationship with God, there will be a sense of doing the right thing, resulting in peace that cannot be found hating others or simply saying I forgive you so I can feel better. If I cannot pray for my enemy’s relationship with God, then I need to pray about my relationship with God. I must pray to God for His strength and assistance admitting I cannot do it without His Spirit’s help.

The bible gives us an important word of caution in Matthew 18:21–22 (CSB) 21 Then Peter approached him and asked, “Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? As many as seven times?” 22 “I tell you, not as many as seven,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven. We are to err on the side of forgiving too much. Each time a person demonstrates repentance we are to forgive just like God forgives us. Remember in one of the previous blogs we discovered scripture is clear, only God can read the heart of another person. We cannot know the heart and intentions of another person – only God can do that. Jesus wants us to give others the benefit of the doubt, just as he keeps forgiving us when we sin against Him.

The story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) offers us clarity into what happens when forgiveness goes right, and forgiveness goes wrong. First, the younger brother comes to his senses (verse 17), then he confesses and repents. He humbly returns home willing to work for his father, not demanding more money or making excuses. The father restores the relationship with his son and CELEBRATES his awakening and return. Instead of celebrating, the older brother remains angry and bitter, isolating himself, and dwelling on the wrongs of the past. This story reinforces things required for true forgiveness to occur and the results.

First repentance is required to initiate the process of forgiveness. This repentance leads to restoration of the wrongdoer’s relationship with God. This leads to a desire to make wrongs right through confession. Then the person who has been wronged either restores the relationship and celebrates with joy or holds a grudge dwelling on anger and resentment. If there is no repentance, then the person who has been wronged focuses on and prays for the other person’s relationship with God. This focus allows a peace rather than bitterness and resentment. The final and most important thing that happens with scriptural forgiveness is God is Glorified. To God be the glory for the forgiveness He extends to us.