I Am Stressed - But What Is It

Everyone says how stressed they are, but when I ask people what that means, I often get a blank stare and open mouth. So, what does it mean to be stressed? The National institute of Health, like so many other websites, defines stress as how the brain and body respond to any demand. Every type of demand — such as exercise, work, school, major life changes, or traumatic events—can be stressful. I do not find this definition very helpful.

In his 1966 book, Psychological Stress and the Coping Process (Lazarus, 1966), Richard Lazarus defined stress as a relationship between the person and the environment that is appraised as personally significant and as taxing or exceeding resources for coping. In other words, stress occurs when you perceive the demand to be greater than your ability to deal with the demand.

In this model the perception of two things affects our stress. The perceptions of the environmental demand and one’s ability to cope with the demand. The perception of one’s ability to cope affects the perception of the demand. Some individuals believe they can cope with almost anything, then others are distressed by expected daily life events.

What does it mean to say I cannot cope with something? Are you going to commit suicide?

Are you going to instantaneously become overwhelmed and die of a heart attack? Are you going to become psychotic and walk into McDonalds and start shooting people? Or are you just going to temporarily feel uncomfortable? We have confused the inability to cope with not liking the way something makes us feel.

The way we think about things and what we say to ourselves (self-talk) has tremendous impact on all our emotions and behavior. How am I going to feel if I tell myself “I am stressed” twenty times during the day? STRESSED!

Rather than dwell on how awful things are and how bad I am feeling, I would encourage you to ask two questions. First, what can I change (behaviors) that will make things better (problem solve). Second, if there is nothing I can change, then what do I do or think to minimize the distress.

There are so many characters in the Bible that experienced extreme stress, but I want to focus on two. Paul and Jesus. Paul was beaten, stoned, shipwrecked three times, hungry, thirsty, cold without clothing, put in jail, and confronted with many other dangers (2 Corinthians 11:24-29).

With this many hardships how could Paul write Philippians 4:11–13 (CSB)?

11 I don’t say this out of need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I find myself. 12 I know how to make do with little, and I know how to make do with a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content—whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need. 13 I am able to do all things through him who strengthens me. 

Paul was one of the early proponents of cognitive behavior therapy. He believed what you thought and what you focused on cognitively impacted your mood and behavior (Romans 5:3-5, Romans 12:1-2, Ephesians 4:23, and Colossians 3:2). Also, Paul had a greater purpose in his life, Glorifying Christ, not his own emotional comfort. Finally, he had an inner strength that came from a reliance on God’s power not his own. He recognized his own weaknesses and limitations. Though Paul could be bold and brash, he humbly minimized himself, giving credit for anything he did to God’s Spirit dwelling in him through his relationship with Jesus Christ.

Also, we see an extremely stressed person in Jesus just before his arrest leading to His crucifixion (Matthew 26:36-46; Luke 22:39-46; Mark 14:32-42). These verses describe Jesus as deeply distressed, to the point his sweat became like drops of blood. He asked his closest friends to pray with Him, and they fell asleep. He is facing arrest and death. He knows there is no avoiding the mission He has been called to. Jesus reached the point where He surrendered to the will of God. His focus and priorities changed, it was no longer about his feelings and comfort. There was a greater purpose.

For us, practical stress management includes taking care of ourselves physically, so our bodies do not have to strain as hard when placed under demands. Put yourself in environmental situations, including certain people, that increase the chance of healthy choices, both physically and emotionally. Follow the lead of Paul, Jesus and mental health researchers who have demonstrated the powerful impact our thinking has on our emotions and behavior. 

Finally, accept there are going to be unpleasant demands placed on us in this world that seem overwhelming. It is only through the power of God’s Spirit that you will be able to think and behave in a way that leads to a peace that you and others will not be able to comprehend.